You Think You Know

I thought I knew how the kids were handling Joey's passing. I watch them fairly closely to see how they are reacting, behaving, understanding. But sometimes I just don't realize what they are thinking and feeling.

Jimmy was in the car yesterday talking about Joey. It really was a light-hearted talk when suddenly he caught his breath, began to speak and then to cry.

"Joey went away," he said with deep emotion and tears beginning to fall.

I was an instant wreck. I haven't seen Jimmy ever cry over Joey's passing. NEVER.

I just didn't think he really got it--the permanence of Joey being gone. Even I sometimes imagine that Joey is only at a friend's house or at school or somewhere from which he will soon return. But he isn't, and I'm realizing that Jimmy gets that too.

"He was the best big brother," he sobs. I am trying very hard not to let my crying overpower his own emotions and words. It's his time to mourn, and I don't want to dishonor that.

We come in the house (we've just pulled into the garage), and he lays his head down on the table and cries. I am at a loss. This is one thing that I just can't make better. One thing that I shouldn't even have to explain to my youngest little boy. This, to me, is the hardest part of losing Joey--the ache I see in the people that loved him. It's as if the pain of Joey's disease and passing goes on in all of us.

But I think Jimmy needs to let it out so I let him. I listen and kiss him and hug him tight. It wouldn't be right of me to cut him off when he's finally able to express his feelings.

It's only a matter of minutes, and he is much more quick to recover than I. He's off playing his own little world again, with my car keys of all things. But that's healthy! He's fine now. I'm heartbroken, though. I just didn't realize that Jimmy was missing him the way Brett and I are missing him. Which means that Katelyn is aching inside too.

The counselor at the hospital told us it might take years for the kids to fully express their grief. I'm ok with that. I would never want to put a timeline on mourning. It's so unique to each of us. Still, as their mother I want to make it all better. I only wish I could.

A Break in the Weather

Awww, finally!! I can actually see the grass upon the ground. (Ok, not at my house as we still have dirt; but I really can see grass in other people's yards.) It does a body good. Seriously! I'm totally affected by sunlight and weather. One of the first things I do every day as soon as I'm decent is open the blinds. I want every bit of light to creep into my bedroom and illuminate my morning. It probably helps explain why I'm such a morning person; although, even I don't consider 3 and 4 a.m. as "morning." (Why do I wake up every day at that time? Of course, I force myself to go back to sleep because good grief that's just waaaaaay too early.)

What's the weather like in your neck of the woods? My sister is in Alaska and they have perpetual rain and darker weather. I don't know how she does it. And she shuttles her kids back and forth to every activity under the sun (ok under the clouds). She amazes me!! (Yes, you sis!)

I've been trying to take it easy from scrapbooking; although, I do something almost every day. January was CRAZY! I kid you not, with CHA and QVC and general assignments I was swamped. Still, nothing like insane deadlines to get the mind creating. LOL!

Here's a layout and some cards that I created for http://www.creativexpress.com/. We have a monthly assignment, but sometimes filming runs late and I don't get to post things as early as the other girls. They are a great team and I'm always inspired by their work. Plus they are as nice as nice can be. It's such a great community. Here's the layout and cards:

Anything else you've got going on? Sometimes (ok, often and almost always) I use a publication deadline to help jumpstart a layout I've wanted to create. Maybe it's a unique perspective on a common theme, or maybe it's a journaling driven layout that's been running around in my head. I've always been assignment driven since I was old enough to get a gold star, a grade, or a smiley face on my papers. I like deadlines, finish lines, and visual rewards. Now if only I could get some recognition for the laundry I folded today. I would totally feel fulfilled. ;)

You're Just Jealous of Me

Those of you that know my youngest, know that he is full of interesting reactions. Here is an example:

Jimmy has had pneumonia for several weeks now on and off, and he is just well enough to truly be ornery and bossy (not my favorite stage of the recovery process). One day after a particularly trying round of "Mom, Mom, Mom" I lifted him out of the car.

"You're a stinker pot, baby." (This is a ridiculous title we give him to ease the tension during rounds of "Who's the Boss?")

"No, I'm not. You're just jealous of me."

A laugh pops out.

"Jealous of you? Do you know what jealousy means?"

"What does it mean?"

"It means that I want to be you."

And without pause, "Well if I were you I wouldn't yell at my kids."

Yeah, this is my life with my son. Definitely never boring. And apparently I have jealousy issues.

Happy Belated Valentines!

Are you like me and are glad Valentine's is OVER? I just don't enjoy the prospect of "forced gift giving." Oh, I'm all about doing sweet things for one another, but I struggle with the pressure of providing the perfect gift on the perfect day. I think the dh and I are looking to create a new kind of tradition in which we can surprise each other rather than expect something on that day. Ok, can you tell I have issues? LOL!

On another note, wanted to post some things.

This one you can find in the "Projects" section of the http://www.goinque.com/ website. I am in love with these school-related stamps, but I didn't want to just use them on a school page. Instead I used stamps that related to the way my children behave towards one another. I love the graphic stamps like the ruler, and the old-fashioned images like the boy heading off to school stamp. So much to love in this set.

When I'm not creating layouts, my favorite thing to do is create cards. I love the small scale of cards. This is one that I created for Deja Views:

And finally an even smaller scale . . . a tag for Karen Foster Design. Tags allow me to create a mini layout on one little piece of paper. I love the challenge!

Here's hoping you have a warmer, drier weekend then we've been having. (Can I just say that shoveling 9" of snow is back breaking work? I am so sore!!!) :)

CHA Sneak Peek #2

As I promised, here a few items from the Karen Foster release. Some of the lines were completely new, but most of the lines I got to work with were lines with older product and new additions.

Like this Carnival layout: some older paper, but I love the new carnival paper and those shaped brads are so cute!

And here is one from their Valentine release:
And here is a Valentine card using their dimensional stickers. Their 3-D stickers are just beautiful!

It was a long month with probably close to 75 layouts/projects/cards. It makes for a challenging month creatively, but I enjoy pushing myself and seeing what I can come up with. It does make me realize that I need to TAKE MORE PHOTOS. LOL! Especially ones like sports because we're not sports oriented, and more event photos. I think I'm more just a "Oh, you look pretty, let's take a photo" kind of person. Need to work on that! ;) Anywho, hope you enjoyed the peek at some of the new releases.

CHA Peek #1

For those of you that are not familiar with "CHA", it's one of the biggest tradeshows in the Craft Industry. Scrapbooking has taken over with a vengeance. As a designer in the industry, there is no bigger crunch time than a CHA show, especially the first one of the year. On the one hand, I get to see all the latest goodies produced by the companies I am blessed to work for. On the other hand, I can end up designing day-after-day until I'm a bit burned out. But I'm not complaining. There's nothing like last-minute deadlines to get the creative juices flowing. LOL!

Deja Views is releasing three lines: Zach's Life (a very masculine, graphic line), Vita Bella (a blue and green line with sophisticated curves and diamonds), and Delightful (a spring inspired palette with glittered goodies).

Here is a peek at some of DV's goodies:

Both of these are from the "Bella Vita" line. Yummy, huh?

This would be the "Delightful" line. See that little tiny flower? It's covered in gorgeous glitter. I really love this line as I am not typically drawn to feminine papers. I truly love this one, though!

And finally, a "Zach's Life" example. This is a gorgeous line as I am completely sucked in by graphic styles. And I love this layout, because it gave me an opportunity to journal about a time when Joey was not happy, something that didn't happen all the time.

Brett had left to obtain work and housing in Utah and we were back in Savannah selling our home. Joey and Brett were the best of friends and having his Dad gone was difficult for Joey. I love that the photo shows his beautiful, flawless skin. It was so gorgeous. And that thick hair of his. Beautiful! Sometimes it's hard to do these layouts but only because once I've done all his photos, I will be done. I can stand the thought of being "done" with Joey's scrapbooks. So I only do a few at a time. Still, I don't want to forget the memories before I am older and much more forgetful.

I'll have more peeks in the upcoming days of Karen Foster Design. They had some fun additions to some older lines. And it is their 10th Anniversary this year. Way to go KF!!

More Aware

Have you ever had something happen to you, something out of the ordinary, something difficult, something bigger than life and suddenly your world just gets bigger?

The is the way I feel about cancer. It's a word I had heard a million times before: in movies, in the press, and even with distant acquaintances. But I was not familiar with cancer. Who would want to be?

Now I hear and see it everywhere. No it obviously isn't more common. It's always been there. But after watching Joey suffer through the disease and then lose his battle with it (ok, I hate saying it that way, Joey didn't lose his battle--he won the right to return home to his Heavenly Father early). But anyway, my world expanded and grew and I am seeing through different eyes that none of us are untouched by some tragedy, some trial, some mess that we are forced to deal with.

Did you watch Extreme Home Makeover on Sunday? The little girl had cancer. Twice! And she begged and pleaded with her parents to let her go. You cannot imagine what it is like to have a child put their life in your hands. How agonizing it must have been for her parents to watch her suffer twice through the treatment of chemo and radiation. How helpless we feel as parents, when it is our very duty to protect them from harm. It is not natural to take your child to a place where you know they are going to be poked, prodded, and filled with medicine that makes them sick and brings so many side effects. But if you don't do it, they can't get better (if even for a little while).

I couldn't watch the whole how. I cried and cried. It was too real and too raw and still too fresh for me. You know what? It ALWAYS will be. I cannot stand to think that other people might be suffering from the effects of cancer. Whether is is exhaustion and the inability to interact fully with their family and friends. Or the sickness and hair loss. Or the days and nights spent in the hospital. The bad news. Oh the list just goes on and on.

I am so glad that the show was able to give them a beautiful home even though she did not get to enjoy it for very long. When a family member is sick, it is all consuming and all energy and effort goes into making that person well. I was so grateful for the way people stepped in to help me. It is nearly impossible to face cancer alone. I'm always grateful now when I see others or have the opportunity myself to help out. It gives me back the power when I felt so helpless to help Joe.

Here is a tribute layout to those who sent me e-mails when I was so scared and feeling so alone. I remember reading e-mail after e-mail in the hospital and crying because I needed to know that someone else was out there watching over me, praying for me and my family, and caring that I was suffering.

This second image is of the pages inside the layout pocket that contain those e-mails. (I deleted all personal information to protect those people who reached out.)

Love to all those who reach out to others in their time of need.

Valentine Projects on Nth Degree!

We were honored to spotlight three projects from our CX DT. Let me tell you what a talented bunch of people that we work with. Seriously!! I am just blown away every time I see them start uploading their projects into our gallery. AMAZING talent!! If we could have spotlighted every project from our February assignments, believe me I would have. These gals have so much to teach me personally. I love them all! :) You can watch the episode here: Valentine Nth Degree.

On another note, are you watching QVC today? ;)

My sister calls me from Alaska to chat about photos of my kids. It's fun to talk over the phone with her while we're watching. "Now where were you guys in that picture?" "When did you go there?" We don't get to see each other very often so it's fun to connect as scrapbookers across the miles.

And as a tribute to Valentine's Day here are some projects that I love:

The "Unconditional" layout was for the CK Idea Annual. Boy, I miss that publication. I looked forward to it every year. I hope they reconsider publishing it. :)

This layout was also in one of the CK publications. I was going through a pink and brown phase. :) For the left side of this layout, I glued pearl beads inside every white polka dot. I love the texture and dimension that it adds. I did the same thing for the flower centers. I know CK just released a QVC pack of gems/pearls/etc. that would be AWESOME for a project like this! I believe it's going on today's show.

Happy Groundhog Day!

I just know the groundhog is going to predict more weeks of winter. I can just feel it. It has been snowing nearly every day and leaving about 2-3" on the ground. Some of my neighbors have "shovel piles" about 4' tall. It's crazy. I had forgotten about Utah winters. They are beautiful. Believe me! But this is about the time where I'm ready for spring to start popping up. But I don't think that's going to happen until mid-April this year. It just feels like a VERY wet winter. So if anyone knows if the Groundhog takes bribes, then PUH-LEASE let me know. I'm totally into that. ;)

On a different note, I'm trying to upload some projects from past publications and assignments. Here is one from Scrapbook Trends' October issue. I love Halloween papers and such. I created the bats, by folding a piece of black cardstock in half and then cutting out half a bat shape. I unfolded it and ta-da: a bat! I folded the other bends in his bat wings to give it some movement. Just a little fun tip! :)

And forgive me, if I've posted this before. It's from a waaaay long time ago, for a Creating Keepsakes book about using your supplies to create special projects:

And finally a card from Inque Boutique. One tip: I sometimes like the look of embossing, but I can't see through the paper I'm using to emboss so I will punch out the shape and layer them on top of the paper. It gives it a little more dimension. :)

Nth Degree Episode


My very first "teaching" episode of Nth Degree aired this week on Creativexpress. You can watch it here. I am learning a lot about the camera, and although I get nervous every time, it makes me grow and develop and I think that's a good thing. :)

The project I created is an altered tin using the Cricut Vinyl and Cricut paper. (I am so in love with the little mailboxes too.)

On another note, it's my husband's birthday today. He's not looking forward to celebrating it. I can't say anything. I HATED celebrating my birthday in December. We're just not into it this year after all we've been through. We just want it to pass by quickly and quietly and not be on display. So babe, a quiet "Happy Birthday!" Love you!