Thank you!

I so appreciate everyone's kind comments on Joey's passing date. I was strangely calm that day. Perhaps I will feel it completely later. But I just wanted you to know how much your sweet comments meant to me. You are all so kind!

One Year Ago Today
Dear Joey,
One year ago today your awful battle with cancer ended. I hardly know what to think today. I'm trying very hard not to dwell on it. I feel ok, but I also feel like there is a tidal wave emotion about to come ashore any moment and I just might lose it.
It was an awful day and an awful battle. I am grateful that so many people find health after cancer, but frankly, it amazes me after seeing what you went through.
I miss you every day, but I think of you constantly. Hearing your little brother playing in your room, making the same noises you would have made brings me a great deal of comfort. Doing your temple work brought me some needed closure and a great deal of peace.
I still don't understand the "why" of your passing, but I also recognize that it is a great gift from your Heavenly Father that you were called home early, that you lived right and could live in His presence again. That makes me very proud of you.
I'm not sure what your Dad and I did to deserve you. I still make mistakes with your brother and sister and that makes me reflect on mistakes I made with you. And I made some big ones. I wish that I had been more mature, more patient, more understanding, and more knowledgeable of the future. I would have cherished every moment a little more.
I am grateful for the time that we had. I'm glad that I got to be the one to stay with you in the hospital (except when Dad could during your cancer). We had some very quiet, special moments during those visits. I'm glad that you let me come on your field trips with you and were never embarrased to have your Mom with you. I was surprised by that. I thought you would outgrow me so much faster.
I loved your long fingers and your soft, fuzzy skin. I loved your thick, unruly hair and the way your underwear peeked over your pants. I loved the way you laughed with wild abandonment. I loved holding your hand and stroking your cheek. I loved that you hugged me only half way with your long arms. I loved the way you'd say, "I love you, Mom" even when it was unsolicited. I loved you for many things, and I think that is what makes me miss you so much.
I often pretend you are coming home soon. That you really aren't gone. I don't understand gone, baby. I don't understand the permanence of your leaving. It makes my heart ache so much. I just don't think a Mom can just go on without their child. I certainly don't know how.
I've said it before, and I mean it. I'm not going on without you. I'm moving towards you. I hope I come close to being the kind of person that you were. I hope that I am someday worthy to be called back home to be with you and a loving Heavenly Father. Your father looks forward to that day as well.
I hope today (in whatever way time manifests itself there) you are happy and know how much we love you, how proud we are of the way you faced your unhealthy life, and how glad we are that you loved life and lived well.
I miss you, baby! I love you, sweetheart! And I'll see you soon.
Love,
Your Mom
We're NOT moving!!

Ok, remember how I said that I had some big things in the works. Here's one of them: my husband was flown out to San Francisco to interview for a job at Men's Wearhouse as their e-mail marketing guru (I'm sure that's the technical term for it. LOL!) The intial offer included moving to California.

I don't like the work of moving, but I LOVE the adventure. :) Silly me. We did a great deal of research on the area. Brett served his LDS mission in that same area, and we love it. I totally miss temperate weather I tell ya.

After a great deal of research and number crunching we decided it would be a really bad time to put our house on the market. I'm not even sure we would break even with the current market conditions, and it just didn't seem like a good idea. Lots of prayers and fasting involved in our decision for sure.

Our oldest did NOT want to move, and I don't blame her. But after some discussion, they are going to let him work from home. I am so happy. Brett is thrilled!! He works really well from home, and I have never minded having him around so we're very happy.

But the stress of the waiting and figuring things out and trying to decide was VERY stressful. Plus we still have a few other things on the table right now (more to come of that later) so it's just been a long month, and I'm so tired.

On another note, what are you reading right now? My online friend Nikki posted this question at http://www.creativexpress.com/, and I wondered myself. I love a good fantasy read, but I've been reading a lot of young adult fiction as it tends to be a bit cleaner than adult fantasy. Here's some series that I REALLY recommend.

The Percy Jackson series
The Children of the Lamp series
The Bartimaeus Trilogy
The Fablehaven Series
The Septimus Heap Series
The Twilight Series (more for adults, and it's about vampires)

I love devouring a good read. Makes the stress of the day go away (when I'm not too tired at night to read).

So what are you reading? Have any of you read The Alchemist? We're reading that for book club and wanted to see what you thought.

Oh and the photo at the top of the post is of a CTR ring, which means "Choose the Right." I think we chose the right by wanting to stay here in Utah (at least for now). You never know. Hee, hee.
My Turn to Teach (again)!

Just wanted to post a link to my latest Nth Degree filming. Still figuring this all out, but I enjoy stretching myself (even though I get VERY nervous the day of filming). :)

You can see it here: Nth Degree "Quantity" Feature Key

Have a wonderful weekend!
Creative Burnout

Do you ever get to that point? That point where if you have to look at another glue dot, or lift that suddenly awkwardly gi-normous paper cutter one more time you might die. Yeah. I'm there.

It's been a long couple of weeks meeting a deadline and now I'm TI-RED!

There's a couple of big things brewing in our life the past few weeks, but I can't spill the beans yet. There was an almost big thing, that thankfully did not happen as I was totally stressed out about it (although part of me was VERY excited about it). Let's just say, "WHOA!" and leave it at that. And NO I AM NOT PREGNANT (just had to get that one off the table right now, lol!).

On another note:

Here's a card I created using Deja Views goodies. This line sells in Michael's stores, and I love it.



Hey, I just looked at the quote on the card again. So my wandering around my house in a daze from creative overkill doesn't mean I'm lost? Well, cool beans!


Happy Birthday, Joey!


Today would have been Joey's 14th birthday. I feel at peace that he is doing much bigger things that anything I could have planned here. I feel more at peace since going through the temple to do his work. I feel that he's very happy, and what could I ask for more than that?

Tonight we will celebrate by creating a character for him on World of Warcraft (probably a Night Elf). And then we will spend Family Home Evening playing Halo. Brett says that I have to play. :) I think it's a good tribute to a boy who loved his video games.

Love you, little man! :)
I Couldn't Sleep this Morning . . .

So I got up at 3:30 a.m. I think I've figured out my problem, though. My dh is a night owl often coming to bed between 1 and 3 a.m. And that is my waking period now so when he does that I am trying and trying to get back to sleep and have such a hard time.

I feel like such a party pooper going to bed around 10 p.m., but I just don't function well in the late afternoon/evening. I'm at my best in the wee hours of the morning; although, at 3:30 a.m. all I'm capable of doing is some internet surfing. ;)

Lots of thoughts running around in my head. Feeling like life is about to take a turn. Don't know how I feel about it. Sometimes I feel excited and then other times I wonder if I am ever going to feel settled. Do you feel settled? Does that feeling really exist or am I just wrong inside my head? Do you know that you are where you are to stay is where you should be and stay forever? I wonder what that feels like.

Ok, totally rambling now.

How 'bout some eye candy?

Here's an Inque Boutique layout. I love cardstock driven layouts, and this picture of Jimmy is just so him.



Here's one about my favorite stuffed animal. I'm not really the sentimental kind. (Don't tell my kids that as I stuff old school papers under other things in the trash. I mean, how long does one keep a math paper?) But my Mom had this stuffed dog when she was a girl, and I had it in my crib when I was wee tiny, and I've had him ever since. "Big Doggy" held a place of honor on my bed all the way through my college days. He's missing stuffing in the middle from several nights of anguished crying and lonely moments where I squeezed him tight. He's been a great friend, and I'm in no hurry to get rid of him. Do you have a stuffed wubby somewhere that you're hanging on to?



And finally a card to round out the display (hee, hee: I'm really tired. Remember I've been up since 3:30 a.m. and that's been 15 hours now). Another Inque Boutique project:



Ok, I'd better stop now. I'm not even sure I will be able to proofread this. Is it to early to go to bed? Think the kids will go for it?

Large Life Moments

I had the opportunity this week to attend an LDS (Latter-Day Saint) Temple this week to do the work for my little man, Joey. For those of you that are not members of the Mormon church, temples are places of worship in which we make sacred covenants with the Lord to obey certain promises, and in return we receive promises predicated on our obedience to those laws.

In our first attendance as adults to the temple we make those commitments and receive promises for ourselves. After that we stand as proxy for those who have passed, completing their work as living beings. And then we believe that they are allowed to make those same commitments and choices and receive those same blessings (if they are willing and obedient) in the next life. It is always a choice on their part. It is a beautiful continuation of eternal laws and promises.

So this week I watched as my husband stood as proxy for Joey, allowing him to make those same commitments. And I stood as a relative of another person. It was an emotional day for me as I knew that my little man would be in attendance at the temple. I have been looking forward to having us all in one place again.

It was a beautiful experience and as we sat in the Celestial Room, which is a peaceful, quiet room in the temple. We sat and I felt such peace. It is a significant experience in an LDS person's life to go to the temple to do their own work. I, of course, wished that Joey could have gone as an adult and done the work himself. But I truly believe that Joey's life and death have always been in the Lord's hands. It does me no good to imagine or wish him here because he received a great gift in returning to his Heavenly Father. I am so grateful that Joey lived a righteous life and was able to receive his endowments before the year mark of his passing. What a good boy he was and what a good man I am sure he is now.

I love you, Joey!

For more information about the Temple you can read here: Temples and Families or you can visit www.lds.org to learn more about the Mormon or Latter-Day Saint beliefs.
In a Rut!

Yeah, I'm totally in a downswing right now. March was crazy, and I find that sometimes after a hard month of just pushing through, I tend to crash. Yesterday I crashed. Unmotivated, tired, feeling yucky. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything productive. I really hate that!

But what I hate even more is when I feel like the kids needed me, and I wasn't there for them. Jimmy was a wild man yesterday and I know it's because he didn't get all of the attention that he needed. And poor Katelyn is sometimes left to fend for herself a bit on long days. (She's so responsible and does so well at completing her chores.)

So today I made myself get up at 5:30 a.m. But I'm so tired that I'm not really awake enough to work and be creative (I'd really love to work every morning for a few hours before the kids wake up, but I'm totally out of the habit.) So I did some uploading of projects and answered emails: things that didn't require my brain to be completely awake. (I'm still not quite awake--it's 6:45 a.m. now.)

I did get the opportunity to crop with some girls from the Creativexpress website. Funny girls. I was totally braindead though and found myself making the most ridiculous comments. Too tired to keep my mouth shut I suppose. I get a little silly when I'm tired. :( Sorry, ladies. LOL!

I did rock five projects while I was there and that's a big deal for me. I've got my office organized so well now that I don't know how to work when I'm away from home. :) I was very organized in my packing this time and took projects that I knew down the stamp that went with what paper so that I could work away. I couldn't believe it when 11 p.m. rolled around. I'm usually tucked into bed around 9:30 p.m. Woohoo! Made my $15 crop payment totally worth it (especially since we got dinner).

Here are two of the cards I completed for my Deja Views assignments. The first one uses the red Alphablocks tablet and the Little Ones "Boy" tablet. Love it when products work so well together.


This second one uses the Freshprint "Pear" tablet. Those tablets contain enough paper and embellishments to create tons of projects. I've had mine for probably almost a year now, and it's not even half gone. Love that! :)


Ok maybe now that I've done my morning web surf, I am awake enough to actually get some things done. Here I come loads of laundry, stacks of dishes, and needy children! ;) Have a good one!
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